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What You Do, Affects Me

You are part of a system as a couple.

“What you do affects me. How you do it affects me. What you say affects me. What you don’t say affects me. If you have a filter it affects me. Plans you make affects me. Things you avoid talking about affects me. You can’t avoid it or pretend it doesn’t. You have to anticipate (and think ahead) that it affects the other person and plan accordingly. I guess you don’t have to but there are consequences for that in a relationship.” He told her.

“How we relate to one another is a relationship,” the mediator said.

Here’s one way to describe it:

When you do this action, here’s how I relate to it (and to you).

It’s similar to client-focused customer service versus giving the client what you think they need. Do you ask the client and get into empathy mode and understand their experience and then engage or do you just offer what you offer regardless of the client?

Imagine being a salesperson or working in customer service- the more you know about the person, the better you can assist them.

Same thing for relationships…

Think about that not only for mediation, but for your past relationships and the ones you are going to have in the future.


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