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"We are Fine"

"I want to be in a romantic relationship and know my partner well. I want her to talk with me and get to know me. I want her to want to talk and listen and grow together.” She replies that she is fine as it is. Any predictions for what might happen next? If they don’t clarify, can you spot at least one possible way to misunderstand what was said?

I just love this author and speaker-  He has an idea for how to proceed (I included 6 of them): From Kenneth Cloke’s “Ten Paths to Transcendence” 1. Engage in committed, open-hearted listening, as though your life depended on what you are about to hear. 2. Use a spotlight of narrow, focused attention and a floodlight of broad, sweeping awareness to clarify what is taking place beneath the surface. 3. Use dangerous empathy to search for the center of the conflict within yourself, then ask questions to discover whether the same might be true for others. 4. Use dangerous honesty to communicate your deepest understanding. 5. Use your heart to locate a heart-space in the conversation, then open and expand it. 6. Craft a question that asks people to speak and listen directly from their hearts.


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I Have Stopped Mediating

If you are interested in contacting a mediator, may I suggest Cyndy Rochford (585) 348-9786? She is an attorney who uses Collaborative Law and Mediation to help couples and she is graduate of Cornell.

Can You Understand the Other Person?

They have been talking about the fact that they don’t read each other well. Her signals and his signals are not the same. They tried this: What signals do I interpret as you care? Clarifying- “it is n

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