Please Listen Before We Fix it Together
“You hear me say that there is something wrong and then, the next step -solve it? But if you “solve” it now, before you clarify, that meets your needs (make it go away) not mine. I am me, not you. Please, listen all the way through, then my preference would be to solve it together with my input.”
“Well, otherwise, you not only don’t solve the actual problem, you’re signaling not listening, signaling not valuing working with me and you’re imposing your solution on me- from my perspective. That signals that you want the problem to go away, not that you want me to be comforted. Is that your intent?”
“Oftentimes your solution is distance and separation from you. You offer to leave or not get together. Is that what you need from me when you’re having a rough time? What inspires you to consistently offer that option first?”
Do you get the sense that this conversation is going to end well? Can you see your conversational style in either of the above? Remember that if you are coming here to get a divorce, most couples continue their communication style into their next relationship, and continue it through the co parenting relationship as well. Why not look at making it more effective now?