• donboice

If it is Not a Dealbreaker...

I get a fair amount of people who have mixed feelings and they decide to try one more round of counseling before trying to separate or divorce.

Imagine asking your partner for something you consider reasonable. They tell you they will do their best and cannot seem to do it. You realize it will never happen the way you want and you have to decide whether or not it is a deal breaker. They try to talk you into staying, saying they will change. After all, they just told you they were all in. Deep inside, you don’t believe they will but you don’t want to be alone or you think they have so many redeeming qualities that it is worth it to overlook.

A month passes and that simple thing grows into a deal breaker. The “all in” was what they wanted to do, not what they actually did. You know it is not going to change and you don’t want to be a complainer, harping on things that cannot change. What do you do?

If it is a deal breaker, you break the deal. It really is that straightforward. Stop overthinking it, please.

If it is not a deal breaker, you get yourself together and focus on things that put you in a good mood. When you are in a good mood, you have more emotional resources at your disposal and, you’re in a good mood! Oh, and when you’re in a good mood, have you noticed that the mood of others around you seems to be impacted? Not sure there’s a downside to focusing on the positive, after you’ve acknowledged the negative or neutral and realized what is in your control.


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