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ABOUT

Why chose Boice Divorce Mediation...

Everything is designed with you in mind.

 

I am obsessed with quality and efficiency and want you to have the best possible outcome and experience during this challenging time in your life.

 

I anticipated needs you may have and have made it easier for you every step of the way because you probably want to spend your time and limited energy on other things right now. Please know I have been successfully working with couples in conflict for almost 30 years. It helps you trust the process, knowing that I have helped countless couples improve their communication and work together even during incredibly trying times in the relationship.

 

You will benefit from my willingness to learn, my intellectual curiosity and how much and how widely I read. My graduate degree is from the University of Pennsylvania (www.sp2.upenn.edu) and I did four years’ worth of continuing education (www.cambridgecme.org)  specific to couples through Harvard. I have 15 graduate classes on small group dynamics and have run almost 1,000 group sessions.

 

You benefit from my ability to refer you to experts, most of whom I personally know.

How do you know your mediator is up to date?

You want to know that your mediator has more than the basic training specific to mediation. Other fields of study are nice complements but you go to a mediator who has training in mediation. Training in this field is so important to me that my first committee for the NY State Council on Divorce Mediation (www.nysmediate.org) is the Training Committee. I’ve been a trainer locally for mediators and have trained in NYC as well, in part to help the system itself change to be more user friendly. In the Rochester, NY area, I belong to a group that meets monthly to keep up to date on best practices, laws, implications, trends and networking. Many mediators think that doing a basic training is enough, even though in the training itself, every instructor urges people to go beyond the minimum requirements. Mediation is not law, so when I consistently hear attorneys who say they are attorneys, that's why they don't need more training in mediation, I cringe. They act as if they don't need to stay up to date and they act as if mediation is the same thing as practicing the law, which dilutes mediation.

I offer outstanding quality and customer service, a satisfying product and the environment is emotionally supportive.

Trained as a couples counselor, I know how to help you with feelings and skills for effectively communicating. This will especially help you if you have children and are going to be spending years co-parenting, going to graduation, seeing the grandkids, doing holidays.

You will have follow up options and the ability to access my mini-library as well as the resources on my website.

You know that I respect you, know what it is like to go through this process.

 

You know I am impartial/objective and my experience and training help you feel confident that you’ll get your needs met.

 

I will keep you on track, focusing on the future and what you need rather than rehashing the past.

 

This is embarrassing to admit: My clients say they hire me because I was the only one who promptly answered the phone and messages- so many professionals just never get back to their customers. This can be a deal breaker when you want professional attention and to get it done.

You benefit from a convenient location and incredibly flexible hours and free parking.

Most people value learning how to be an educated consumer, making it easy for you to do as much yourselves which, in turn, saves money. It is not always about the money, because a bad product that saves money in the short term is not worth the time, money or energy.

I know how hard it can be to ask for help from a stranger. Part of you would like to come and do this and another part doesn’t even want to deal with it or wants to simply get over it as fast as possible.

There’s often this ambivalence when couples start mediation. No one wants to be married like they were and yet there is a sense of grieving, of loss. Mediation does not include counseling, nor should it. It should be respectful of emotions and expressing pain in a decent, honorable, tactful manner. We can predict that emotions are an obstacle in resolving conflict in a dignified way.

Who better to help you contain these feelings, than someone trained as a couples counselor, with more than 30 years’ experience?

 

What needs do you have right now as you read this?

Please let me know ASAP if there are needs you have that are in danger of not getting met. Your likelihood of getting your needs met in mediation are high, if you request. If you do not ask for it, it is less likely to happen.

As a male counselor and mediator, I have some insights that perhaps others would not have. I have counseled both men and women since 1989 and can offer empathy and compassion for what you are going through and can likely anticipate many of your needs before you even know you have them.

My goal is to have you walk out of here with your head held high, knowing the road ahead will be difficult and that you feel empowered. You have confidence that you did your level best with the situation in front of you.

This process of separation and divorce can be disorienting and overwhelming at times. Some struggle with weight issues, depression or sleep during this time.  We understand this and can steer you to solutions to help.

People forget things, their concentration is not at its best and we offer summaries of each session to help you with this.

You will be able to look at those summaries and have it trigger memories of the session. It will prompt you with what you agreed to do between sessions, thus keeping you on track moving forward.

People have told me they appreciate the respect, responsiveness, thoroughness, prompting to be an informed consumer, being able to do as much as you want yourself and having me help you through the final parts before submitting it to a judge.

I do what I say I am going to do and you feel trust toward me. At the bottom of this page, I have described what the options are for you to divorce. I want you to choose what fits you, not what makes me the most money.

There are no surprises and the quality is high, to boot.

People appreciate my gentle approach, while being able to cut people off and keep them on track. They love the fact that they are making informed, strategic decisions in an atmosphere of respect and decency. They are in control of the process, the total cost and time spent on this. I am responsive to phone calls and have an office manager during the day who can get back to them while I am in with someone.    

They like knowing that this agreement and memo of understanding is their product, not something forced on them by the court system.

Most Common Process Options for Divorce

  1. Do it yourself. Pro se= you represent yourself without a lawyer. There are computer programs that offer to assist you with this. You need to fill out the 24 forms and file them. Divorce is state by state, so make sure that you follow the laws of your state. One downside might be that you get the paperwork sent back to you to redo and resubmit. Another downside is that there could be implications for not having someone look at your decisions and challenge your perspective and some people have regretted “giving it all away.”

  2. Kitchen Table  This is when two people agree to pretty much every single aspect and take their agreements to a neutral attorney to write up the separation agreement and file it, and the 24 forms, on their behalf.

  3. Pro se with the MOU, after a mediation- Some couples go through mediation and get the Memorandum of Understanding, have it notarized and file it, then do the 24 forms themselves.

  4. Mediation with separate review attorneys after the mediation process to ensure they have had a thorough outside review by someone only interested in their side. Some people feel really protected by this.

  5. Mediation with no review attorneys and just go to the neutral attorney to write the separation agreement and file it along with the 24 forms.

  6. Collaborative law- where each party has an attorney in the room and a neutral person facilitates the process. The attorneys have additional training, so that they look out for the process, “play nice” with the others and don’t simply protect their own client.

  7. Litigation  Just know that if you are doing this to “get my day in court”- it is highly unlikely to end the way you anticipate. Most do not go to trial and many run out of money. Most are settled out of court, for a much higher attorney cost than any other method.

  8. Trial   The estimates vary on how much this costs and how often a couple takes their divorce all the way to trial. 2-3% of couples who litigate go all the way to trial. This costs a significant amount of money to do and gets the same result of divorce, but often destroys the chances of a good co-parenting relationship or civil relationship, due to the processes used in court.