Does this sound like your situation?
“I’m not really even sure what the mediation process is, how long it takes or how this works but everyone said to do mediation because it’s so much better than going to trial.”
“Can this process help me? How protected am I?”
These are common responses from people approaching mediation and divorce.
What is Mediation?
NOTE: I have stopped mediating. I can suggest Cyndy Rochford (585) 348.9786 as a Mediator for you. She is an attorney who mediates and also works in collaborative law- two of the best ways to get to a successful resolution. If you are interested in learning more about mediation, you are welcome to continue reading and preparing yourself for the mediation process.
“The process of mediation is the management of other people’s negotiations, and the mediator is the manager of the negotiations who takes charge of the discussion of the issues to be resolved. The more coherent and organized the process, the easier it is for the participants to arrive at solutions that are reciprocal and appropriate for them.
When there is an apparent conflict of interest, the nature of the legal system requires the participants to be adversaries. We are not naturally inclined to be adversarial and we are not adversaries. We have needs that we recognize and we have strategies to meet those needs. You clearly understand the importance of maintaining your ongoing relationship and that is why you chose mediation.” - John Haynes, Ph.D.
As a mediator, I am not a judge who can be won over to one side or another.
I am committed to the agreement not to any one person.
I am to be fair and will do my best to balance my attention between you; you have control of the content and I own the process itself.
I do not accept one person’s unilateral definition of the problem.
I help you develop options to solve your problem.
I will hold no secrets from you and will not allow you to withhold information from the other. That is what it means to be a mediator.
Most people prefer to settle their family matters within the confines of the family.
Outside professional intervention is frequently limited to the mediator. Since only one professional is usually involved, the cost of resolving this dispute is much less than in the legal system.
All discussions are held face-to-face, so it takes less time. The exception to this would be when the parties ask for a caucus. We can discuss this in person.
“Mediating a settlement after separation or divorce is an active process in which the mediator helps you identify all the issues that need to be covered in your agreement. Your mediator will help you work out what it costs to live apart, an, using that information together with your current income, help you determine the amount and duration of financial support the children, or perhaps one of yourselves may need. We will help you identify all of your assets, work out their value and help you to divide them fairly. We will also help you make a plan for future parenting decisions…”
One spouse should not win at the expense of the other. We provide you with the opportunity to negotiate reciprocally beneficial terms in total privacy.
The process is a joint search for a reasonable solution; so neither partner can gain at the other’s expense. Resolutions of problems between separating couples will lead to a settlement created and accepted by both. You control the decisions that affect your own lives…
We ask that you share in the fees in a way that is appropriate to your situation, bearing in mind that the mediator is working for both of you…Mediation takes less time for those without children.“
This information is courtesy of John Haynes, PhD
Please choose mediation because it is better, not just because it is cheaper!